4 and half months & homesick

I kind of feel bad when people ask me how I’m doing or feeling lately because usually it is either really good, really bad, or I have no idea how I’m feeling and doing. And after a while I start to feel silly because one week I’m great and the next week I’m struggling again. And Ryan and I are usually going through different hills and valleys so we are supportive of one another but not always experiencing the same things in the same way. 

But this week has felt a little different. I have had more pangs of homesickness than ever, thinking about family and friends, our old stomping grounds, jobs, and what not. Admittedly, I have just started crying several times this week without warning and without external reason. Everything is going fine, nothing is particularly hard at the moment, but for some reason I am grieving leaving home right now. Seems like it should’ve happened sooner than this but maybe not, at first things are new and exciting. Ryan did note that we’ve been here for 4.5 months now, and it is longer than I have ever been out of the United States. Each day is a new record. And I think the weight of our commitment is sinking in. We feel sure that we are going to be here for a long time. Not just a year or two. So that reality is hitting home now I think. 

So I really am doing fine (in case you’ve asked or are worried), I am trying to allow myself to walk through the emotions that come and not avoid them or overanalyze them. But it is another week already, so maybe this week will be different too.