Favorite little things in France right now (5 months in)

Frozen pain au chocolat 

(they are the best warm from the toaster oven)

Christmas markets (I loved them)

Ancient buildings in Paris, every detail was thought 

through and it really is just breathtaking

Parc de Sceaux: We’ve actually only been once but 

it is an enormous public park nearby that is stunning

Just walking the streets of Paris

The pride the French take in the little things, the cheese 
you want to select, or the flowers you are looking at. 
They want to tell you all about it, and hopefully soon 
I will understand more of what they’re trying to tell me!

Every day that there is a clear blue sky or a little sun is a gift

The Eurasian Magpie birds we see everyday

Associatons: I love that everyone is in some sort 

of club, people seem eager to learn new skills or 

improve existing ones. 

Singing at church. I thought it would be a long time 
before we could engage in worship, but we are understanding 
and genuinely worshipping through most of the music 
which encourages us every week.

4 and half months & homesick

I kind of feel bad when people ask me how I’m doing or feeling lately because usually it is either really good, really bad, or I have no idea how I’m feeling and doing. And after a while I start to feel silly because one week I’m great and the next week I’m struggling again. And Ryan and I are usually going through different hills and valleys so we are supportive of one another but not always experiencing the same things in the same way. 

But this week has felt a little different. I have had more pangs of homesickness than ever, thinking about family and friends, our old stomping grounds, jobs, and what not. Admittedly, I have just started crying several times this week without warning and without external reason. Everything is going fine, nothing is particularly hard at the moment, but for some reason I am grieving leaving home right now. Seems like it should’ve happened sooner than this but maybe not, at first things are new and exciting. Ryan did note that we’ve been here for 4.5 months now, and it is longer than I have ever been out of the United States. Each day is a new record. And I think the weight of our commitment is sinking in. We feel sure that we are going to be here for a long time. Not just a year or two. So that reality is hitting home now I think. 

So I really am doing fine (in case you’ve asked or are worried), I am trying to allow myself to walk through the emotions that come and not avoid them or overanalyze them. But it is another week already, so maybe this week will be different too.

The First Step: Purifying the Soul

I got Ryan several books for Christmas, and we started reading one of them together called An introduction to the devout life by Saint Francis De Sales. It is an old classic and sometimes the writing is a little flowery, so much so, that sometimes I read whole chapters without knowing what in the world it is talking about, but it is getting easier to follow and the chapters are very short which is nice. 

Yesterday’s chapter was called “The First Step: Purifying the Soul.” Here are a few of my favorite quotes from this section that are encouraging to me as I attempt to change some habits in my life, and I hope they encourage you as well.

“Before the captive maiden can be engaged to the Israelite, she was obliged to shave her head and pare her nails (Deut 21:12), and so the soul which aspires to be the bride of Christ must put off the old man, and forsaking sin, be clothed with the new man, pairing away and shaving off any hindrances which come between it and the love of God.”

I like the idea of the maiden shaving her head and pairing her nails as an act of preparation. First she had to be clean, before she could even be presented. In the same way, the first step (or preparation) I take when I want to change something is reflection and repentence. First, I have to take the time to see the way I am living my life. Then I need to confess my shortcomings and errors to God and ask for his grace to move forward differently. 

“Such purifications are a miracle of grace. Ordinary purification and healing, whether of body or soul, are accomplished by little and little, progressing slowly and often hardly at all.”

This is my favorite part, because it really challenges the whole notion of instant gratification that so many people, myself included, can fall prey too. 

Then it goes on to say that we must be patient and courageous, not falling into either the trap of instant discouragement at slow progress (this is me), or the trap of believing you’ve already arrived. And I would add a third trap to be on the look out for, which is, believing the illusion that it is you who needs to (or even can) fix yourself. The key is to move closer to God (little by little), because he is the only one who can help. His love and his grace are what can renew and change us from the inside out. 

Just as it says above… “Such purifications are a miracle of grace,” they are not natural, but supernatural. So if you can, reflect on and thank God today for all the ways he has already changed you and ask that he would continue the work he has begun in you. 

Happy New Year everyone!